LOOKS ARE DECEPTIVE ...........

          Every morning, after waking up, most of us "get ready" and go out to work or whatever our vocation is. We spend a lot of time deciding what we have to wear and how we must look. So far so good. After all, we can't be expected to venture out in our night suits and appear unkempt.  But have we ever noticed that we not only change our clothes as per the occasion, but we also alter our personality when we move from one environment to another. At home, if it's a joint family, our attitude might border on being submissive and obedient, but if we are the head of a nuclear family the same personality suddenly becomes authoritative and to some extent rigid and autocratic. Our behaviour in the office with our superiors is that of a hard-working asset that needs to be considered an indispensable part of the team. We come across as an epitome of loyalty, integrity and moral courage; never letting the mask slip. In front of our subordinates and peers, the behaviour pattern changes totally. Even when we meet a close friend, somewhere deep down we are concerned with what impression we are casting on him or her in terms of our social, financial and professional standing. In front of a person of opposite sex, notwithstanding our existing status of commitment, we try to look like "God's answer" to his/her prayers as if there's a romantic song and dance sequence waiting to happen. In front of our children, we would definitely want to create an impression of being a mature, intelligent, dependable and never faltering person, even though the child with his/her limited knowledge would be able to see through the facade. Why do we do it? Are we so superficial that we have to change our colours like a chameleon? Or, is it our insecurity that makes us do it? 

        We ofter use a term "multi-faceted personality". I wonder if it is a compliment or an abuse. That could be because of my limited knowledge of the language or my understanding that personality should be a comprehensive package of various attributes and facets that a person has in his behaviour and attitude. How & why is it that the same soft spoken person outside who never ever swears becomes a loud person in private who adorns all his sentences with 'adjectives' is often beyond me. Why should someone use finesse in his demeanour outside but forget it when he/she is at home. Why can't we have a uniform behaviour pattern all along? I am not trying to castigate others but I am asking these questions to myself. Why can't we remain what we are? Why should I look refined and prim 'n' proper  and follow protocols & established procedures outside, while at home be comfortable with the most informal lifestyle. What is my natural self? And is it so embarrassing that I need to camouflage it?

            There are too many why's is what I am writing. But, all I am asking is for us to introspect whether we are gaining anything substantial by putting up this charade. And do we consider the person in front of us such an idiot that he or she can not make out what our true self is? I know that there are some "Do's and Don'ts" and societal norms that we have to follow, but within those norms can't we have a personality that is consistent? I hope that someday I will have the courage to be outside what I am at home. Hope someday someone will shake me up and ask "Will the real Atul Pandey please stand up?"

BEHAVIOUR

          Often, I hear people say that "his/her behaviour toward me was not nice". But what surprises me is that people try to moderate their own behaviour with others to reciprocate the way they have been treated. I am of firm belief that our behaviour is part of our character. So, is it possible to change our character? I hope not. From our childhood, we are taught by our parents a set of "do's and dont's" called "manners". At no point do our parents teach us that these manners are dependent on something. They just tell us what we are supposed to say and what we are supposed to do; how we are supposed to treat our guests. "Atithi Devo Bhava" is a live phenomenon in our homes and not just some hypothetical concept. How we treat anyone visiting us at home or our place of work is reflective what values our parents have taught us.

          Let us say, I go to meet someone and he or she just offers me a glass of water. Well, firstly I should feel bad only if my expectations from that person were different, or if this act or omission is the litmus test of his or her feelings for me. Whatever it may be, should that alter my way of receiving him or her? Should I not receive that person the way I have been groomed by my parents to receive a guest? Should I not be concerned that any lack of warmth in receiving and looking after that person will disappoint those who have brought me up with some family values?

         Agreed that today the pace of life has become very fast and we may not have time to look after a guest or a visitor in the manner that one would like to. But what does looking after involve? Offering good snacks, drinks, food or gifts? Or meeting the person with warmth and making sure he or she doesn't get an impression that he or she is unwanted or eating into your time. A smile and some friendly conversation making that person feel that you know him or her well enough. You may get good snacks and drinks and food at the most impersonal get-together and still feel unwanted and bored but there will be occasions when your college chai-walla will offer you a cup of tea and ask about your well-being and you'll feel really happy.

           At the end of the day, in a way, it is good that some people judge your feelings toward them by such superficial gestures and cool off because that's one way of separating the wheat from the chaff. They sure don't know who or what you are and don't even deserve to know you.

WHAT IS MY RELIGION? - Part II

           The previous piece on this topic didn't address the question that the title asked. What's my religion actually? Is it just something that identifies me or it is a reflection of my character, behaviour & conduct? If I do not follow what my religion propagates, do I still have the right to call myself a part of it? Is my faith in my religion actually reflected by the number of pilgrimages I make to holy shrines and the donations I make in the various places of worships, even as my conduct otherwise is full of malice, hatred, manipulation and deceit? And if, it is so, Is my God so naive that he is getting carried away by the superficial charade of mine? 

          Honestly speaking, I find these questions a little baffling. Not because of lack of faith but because I see a lot of people around me carrying on with impunity, this charade. Can religion be a matter of convenience to us, so that we pick and choose what suits us and overlook what we don't find convenient? When our religion teaches us to be compassionate, we want to even advertise that compassion by putting inscriptions to announce our donations in the form of plaques adorning the various places of worship. Most of us turn a blind eye to that poor child in cold winter night sleeping on the footpath, not realising that the real struggle to survive is taking place there and not in our lives where we are getting stressed just because some of us are not amongst the favourite of the boss. When our religion teaches tolerance, we use the same religion as a tool to exhibit our intolerance and fanaticism. It's meaning seems to have drifted far away from what it was meant to propagate. We flash our religion in such a way that it starts looking loud and gaudy even when our faith should teach us that religion needs no advertisement.

              I think, in today's age and time, religion is a pastime of only a certain section of society. Rest of us are just too busy juggling the different responsibilities that our life has thrown up in the air for us to catch. And that's why, I really don't know what is my religion.

WHAT IS MY RELIGION? - Part I

              I find it quite strange that today Religion is the single most contentious thing and is the cause of maximum discord amongst us human being without it having been "deliberately adopted" by us. Our religion is decided by the womb that has carried us to our birth or by the religion of the man who has fathered us. We actually never had any choice in it. What would have happened if our society had a norm similar to suffrage? That no human being can have a religion till he attains the age of 18 or 21 or 25 and that he or she will chose a religion only after attaining a certain age. Is following a religion so casual that we give it less importance than casting a vote in an election, where we are expected to have reached a certain maturity level(age) before being allowed to take a decision?

          Well, whatever may be the situation, the fact remains that we all follow one religion or the other, right from the time of our birth. What exactly is this "following" a religion? I think it is nothing but an indoctrination. As we grow up, we see around us certain rituals happening and we get accustomed to them. We are constantly subjected to stories of supernatural powers and miracles that strengthen our belief in the religion we are following. By the time we come of age, we find a sense of belongingness to the customs, beliefs and rituals of our religion and feel that it is now our moral duty to follow and take further ahead whatever practices that are prevalent in our religion. 

         By simplifying this process, am I trying to undermine the concept of religion? NO. Not at all. Firstly, I am not qualified enough to do so & secondly within the limited realms of my wisdom I am all for it. All religious scriptures and the stories of divinity have more or less similar messages of love, compassion, self discipline, morality etc. Only the religious proponent has changed. And we associate all these teachings with a certain religious figure. All the religious lores also have stories of victory of "good over evil" & "right over wrong". They basically are guides to direct us on to the path of righteousness with a sense of pride in the religion we follow. Most of the religions are very old and have been followed by human beings for centuries. Over these times, they have strengthened the beliefs of their followers and has helped them in their hours of crises by giving them a ray of hope, moral courage and will to fight back against difficult situations.

           If things are so harmonious, where do they go wrong?  Why do we have so many problems that emanate from our religious beliefs? Problems begin when the "Created thinks he needs to protect the Creator." That's sad. If we believe that our existence is because of some supreme power, why should we then start doubting His/Her power to take care of Himself/Herself? Or have we become Frankenstein that we have started threatening our creator itself? Even then, so far as I remember, Frankenstein could not kill his creator. If we have been created by the Almighty just like He created this Universe, what gives us the impression that He, whose creations have stood the tests of time over the centuries will need the help from us mere mortals to protect Him. We, who are afflicted with so many ills that the best of us can't last a century; We, who need his blessings even while stepping out of our house; We, who, out of our weaknesses have got down to even bribing Him; have the ability or vision to protect our religion? Funny, Sweet but ultimately Tragic ........

IS HONESTY THE BEST POLICY??

         We teach our children that honesty is the best policy. But, what is honesty? Not telling lies? or, Always speaking the truth? Is not speaking the truth same as telling a lie? They say silence is golden. So, if someone chooses to keep quite and not tell the truth, will that tantamount to telling a lie? There is no standardised answer to this query. What about a lie that doesn't harm anyone but helps someone? Or a truth that doesn't help anyone but harms someone? Well, these arguments won't stand scrutiny in court of law so let them be just points to ponder. In our daily life we do come across situations where we need to moderate the truths and the lies. Let us say, a child is weak in studies. The teacher or parents tell him or her that he or she can excel in the exams by working hard even though they know that it's beyond the child's potential. Why do they say so? To encourage the child? So, is encouraging a child also telling a lie? I hope not. There is a terminally ill patient. He knows it, his family knows it, the doctor knows it but still everyone tells him that he will get well soon. Is that telling a lie? Technically yes, but morally no. It gives that hope to the patient to cling on to without giving up. There can be any number of examples to this paradox.

         This brings us to the issue of honesty. Honesty is not simply about telling a lie or telling the truth. It is about our overall approach to an issue and our conduct. It is about not being two faced. It is about not cheating. It is about not misguiding someone to his or her loss. Honesty is about our own morals and character. An honest person may hide a fact so that knowledge of it doesn't hurt someone. A dishonest person will hide a fact to make sure that it causes harm to someone else or it benefits him. These are two different things. Again this line of thought is vulnerable to criticism. But then that's what it is. One man's poison is another man's cure.

           Nowadays we use different words to cover up our lies or dishonesty. What about "Being Diplomatic"? Or "Being Politically Correct"? There are innumerable phrases coined to cover up what essentially is telling a lie or hiding the truth. At the end of the day, it is our inner self that needs to be asked whether our conduct was correct or incorrect. There can not be a better judge than our conscience.

HAPPINESS IS A RELATIVE TERM ......

            Long ago, as a curious and nosey young boy, I read a letter written to my father by my uncle. What caught my fancy was the sentence "Happiness is a relative term and that there is nothing called absolute happiness ......". Somehow this sentence has stuck to my spoken and written vocabulary. Initially I used to find it fashionable to mention this sentence in conversations to project myself as a thinking person. Over the years, I have started to understand the depth of this sentence. But then, what is happiness? Is it a continuous feeling or does it come in spurts. Like, suddenly coming across a beautiful song on FM while driving, or meeting someone you wished to see. Or is it materialistic like finding a hundred rupee note in the pocket of your jacket or hitting a jackpot. Is there a definition of happiness? Like, a feeling will only be called happiness if it lasts beyond a few specified minutes or hours? Or an anticipation of something good to happen as per your "expectation" in future? Whatever it may be, I have come to believe that it all depends on us only. We have to find our share of happiness. I admit that this might be easier said than done but believe me it is not impossible.

       I have mentioned the word "expectation" in the previous paragraph. This word is the sole cause of our happiness and sorrows in life. Our expectations often exceed our own capabilities and cause an imbalance in our life resulting in frustration and misery. Many a times we start wishing for something that the other person possesses without realising how & why he or she has it. Or, the fact that whether that possession has brought happiness to that person? We often envy a person we see driving a swanky car or living in palatial bungalow without realising that he might be having a hard time paying the EMIs of the loan that he had to take for purchasing the car or the property dispute he is involved in over the bungalow that he is staying in. This might come out as a pessimistic line of thought but all I am trying to say is that "All that glitters is not Gold". Or that every rose bud has a thorny stem. On the other hand, if we shun lofty expectations from ourselves and take a reality check, life would become much happier.

       Envy is more often than not, one of the biggest stumbling blocks between us and happiness. We often see people who are better off than us and envy them. We feel jealous of those above us, never realising that there are people below us also on the same ladder. Should we then not be thankful for being better off than so many others? But we keep cribbing for not getting what we desire, never stopping to count our blessings that have been bestowed upon us.

          Such simplification of happiness might be called foolish or escapist attitude by some. Agreed that you have to have wishes and goals to keep you going and working hard but then setting an unrealistic goal can only lead to frustration. A goal without a roadmap to achieve it can only make us venture into wilderness. Most of us are no Columbus and there are no Americas left to be discovered.

WHY SHOULD ONE WRITE A BLOG?

       Why a blog? To share my thoughts? Why share my thoughts? Are they so unique and interesting that they need to be told to others? Well, YES ..... may be ......

        I think we all have a certain approach to life that is unique. No two individuals can have identical personalities. We treat situations differently, we react to things differently, our perception about things around us is different. That is what makes us unique. Unique, though not ideal. But then, this uniqueness is what creates a mystery about us and gives an appearance of unpredictability to our behaviour. And this acts as protective shield for us. Being predictable can also make us vulnerable.

        Well, if that is the case, shouldn't writing a blog also make us vulnerable. Yes, if one doesn't know where to stop. I think that sharing our thoughts, keeping them just short of becoming too personal, is what a blog should be about. I see no harm in sharing my views on how I see things, so long as they do not hurt someone's sentiments. My perceptions, my appreciations, my outlook towards what is happening around might not be worth reading for others, even then I see no harm why I shouldn't jot them down for my reference and may be posterity. I intend to write often, though not with a fixed periodicity. Let's see how much and how frequently I am able to write.